What Do You Do When It's A Girl, pt. 2

I was riding the train with Len, Marla and Marla's friend Jeanette. We were leaving a Cub game in a good mood and traveling to a Greek restaurant where Marla knew the owner. The train was loaded with happy fans in various states of inebriation. In front of us, a girl was holding onto her man. He was crying, and apologizing.

"Don't worry," said Marla, "the Pirates might win tomorrow."

This brought a laugh from the girl and her claque, and a genuine smile from the guy who was crying. He looked like the macho type, the type not to cry publicly, and his girlfriend was asking him what was wrong. He kept shaking his head.

"If it will make you feel better, I'll dance," said Marla. More laughter, and another smile from the sad passenger.

Just then an overweight black woman who was sitting in front of the group turned around.

"Would you shut the fuck up and quit yelling in my ear?"

"Nobody's yelling in your ear. Why don't you shut up?"

"Disengage," I told Marla, "you can't win an argument with a nut."

A girl in front of us told the offended woman to chill out. She replied,

"You shut up, you honky bitch."

Well.

Marla was ready to say something, but I squeezed her hand.

"Disengage."

The four of us got off at our stop. The angry woman gave us a topic of conversation. Len said,

"Women can get away with more than men can."

I knew what he meant. If Marla had said something to the woman and things had gotten physical, or just short of physical, where would that have left me? One thing you learn as a guy is that you never, ever hit a woman. OK. What if your woman is being harassed by another woman? Or attacked? If you pull the lady off and she fights you and the cops show up, I guarantee that you, as the man, are more likely to be booked. A night in County is a real buzz kill. The only thing you can do is to try to get your woman to ignore the situation and walk away. It doesn't feel good but when it's a woman, what else can you do?

Right?

What Do You Do When It's A Girl?

Friday night was spent at Nick's---I arrived first, then Marla got off work. We were sharing drinks when this woman approached Marla and introduced herself. The woman had short black hair, thick glasses and.....a figure I could best describe as shapeless. Marla referred to her later as Buddy Hackett. Obviously a lesbian---OK, but if you want to hit on my girlfriend you have to show me a little respect. I could have been invisible and I probably was.

Buddy Hackett explained that it was her first time at Nick's and asked Marla if she could buy her a drink. Hello? I'm holding her hand....it's a little brazen, isn't it? Marla responded,

"Why don't you buy my boyfriend a drink, too?"

She did, I thanked her for her drink and Buddy Hackett left when she saw that Marla was no longer paying attention to her. I left after ten minutes to grab Mexican food for Marla, me and the bartender and when I returned Buddy was hanging all over Marla again. And she even took a sip from my beer.

"That's not your beer," said Marla. I sat down, Buddy got the message and left soon after.

Now, Marla handled the situation beautifully but I had no idea what to do. If a guy hits on my girlfriend, I know what to do. Every guy does. I'm totally comfortable and in my element, then. But what do you do when a girl hits on your girlfriend? You notice that your girlfriend is uncomfortable, but what's the appropriate response?

Because I don't feel right using the same alpha-male tactics I'd use on a guy with a woman. Any suggestions?