More Embarrassment and Degradation

When I was 25, I worked as a wine broker in an office staffed by the kinds of hip 20-something Chicagoans I had been hoping to meet. It was my first full summer in Chicago, and I started sleeping with a red-headed co-worker named Liz. Liz was 30 going on 20---her taste in music and clothes was much hipper than mine. Two things about her that stand out in my mind are:

1. She was as expert a fellatrix as I have ever been fortunate to experience, and

2. She was the most sexually adventurous girl I had known up to that point. She was bisexual, of course, and enjoyed giving and receiving the kind of pain that, at 25, I was still too inexperienced to bring to my sexual repertoire.

She smoked as much or more than I did, and was a tough-talking Detroit chick who displayed a cockring on the stickshift of her Honda. The cockring intimidated me until I realized that it circled the entire contraption (penis and testicles) instead of just the shaft.

She also had a medicine cabinet full of drugs---many prescribed to her, many obtained through other sources.

After a couple weeks of sleeping together, a new girl joined the company---a pert, upbeat blonde named Kristen, endowed with a generously ample bosom, a taste for hallucinogens and a cocky persona that caught the attention of everyone in the office. It was hard to believe she was only 22.

And she was quite a flirt.

A bunch of us decided to get together at Liz's apartment for a barbecue on Friday afternoon. I had been a little stressed so Liz offered me one of her valiums, which I took before everyone arrived. After half an hour I complained that nothing was happening. She looked me over, shrugged and gave me a second. Almost immediately I felt the first one kicking in.

Now the guests were arriving, and I joined everybody in the courtyard for rum and cokes. Keep in mind that, aside from prescribed codeine, I had never taken valium. And the thought that it might interfere with my drinking was the furthest thing from my mind.

Suddenly, I entered The Zone---that mystical dimension in which I can do no wrong, in which everything I say is clever and all my inclinations are bound to be rewarded and applauded. It's hard to describe, except to say that it was as if I were watching my performance from above, like a god watching the actions of his favorite son and being pleased.

"Kristen," I said, "Liz, come over here."

They came over.

"We have a lot in common, y'know? We should all.....take a shower! We need to take a shower!"

A look of embarrassment and uncertainty came over Kristen's face. A look I had never seen on her before. Liz looked amused.

"Let's all take a shower!"

Kristen wavered, and looked into her drink. She went over to the kitchen for a refill.

"In fact, we should ALL get into the shower together!"

Fortunately, my moment of ignorant bliss was shortlived. I managed to crawl into Liz's bed and slept deeply and comfortably until morning. Liz thought the entire episode was hilarious, and Kristen never mentioned it again. We did, however, become good work-buddies---she was in a relationship at the time, as well.

What I was most grateful for, however, was that nobody treated me any differently at work. We went on the same as before. You know you're in a good environment when the people around you don't hold your fuckups against you and you can continue to show your face without feeling humiliated.

Y'know, sometimes I do miss being 25....