My friend Katie told me a charming anecdote recently about a threesome gone awry. Her older boyfriend had never had a threesome, so one night she went to a strip bar with a friend and was rewarded with an enthusiastic lap dance from a woman who declined money.
"Don't pay me," is what she said, "..this is for my pleasure."
Guys, don't worry. This doesn't happen to any men I know.
Anyway, she recruited the woman to go home with her and surprise her boyfriend. I can only imagine the haze of alcohol in which they must have been wading as they climbed into the bed of the sleeping boyfriend.....
I was in a Lake Michigan resort town this weekend with Christy, and I shared this story with her over our dinner of fried fish. She looked at me as if I had just confessed to owning the world's largest collection of German scheisse videos.
"Does that turn you on?"
"Threesomes? .....I think it's a universal male fantasy to watch two women make love. If not universal, very very common. Yeah, it turns me on."
"I would be so upset if someone asked me to do that. It's like a show of disrespect. It would be like you were trying to turn me into a lesbian."
She wrinkled her nose at the word "lesbian".
I reassured her that I would never try to get her to do something that made her uncomfortable. I also reminded her that sometimes sexual fantasies do not fall into nice safe categories. We choose how we act, but our fantasies are outside of our control.
Christy and I had a pleasant weekend sunning on the beach, swimming in Lake Michigan and making love. The distaste she showed for what is such an obvious male fantasy, however, gave me pause. I wondered, does she have no guy friends?
Some women know a lot about men. Some women know very little. It's not an age issue at all---Christy is in her late 30s, while Katie is 23. The best thing a girl can do is have an older brother. The second best is to have a number of platonic male friends, who feel comfortable sharing "guy" details with her. Women who "get" men are going to be better protected psychologically than women who don't. They won't get hurt as easily, and they'll tend to bounce back more quickly.
It's all right to be disgusted by the idea of a threesome. But the fact that it's a turn-on to a large portion of the male population should not come as a surprise. And it should be accepted with a shrug and a "boys will be boys" attitude.
Some things should not be shared. I won't tell a girl I'm dating which of her friends are hot, for instance. Information like that does nothing to advance our situation together. If she asks I answer in bland generalities. She doesn't need to hear me say:
"Your friend Anne has a hot body. The kind of beautiful ass I could just bury my face in..."
She doesn't need to share similar thoughts with me, either.
But, overall, I think Christy is much too conservative for me.
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4 comments:
lol :) and big smile. this is so true, at least as far as my experience has been. Guy friends rock! I've learned a lot from chatting with them and appreciate guys point of views on many different levels.
And yes, no need in confiding that one thinks the girl/guys friends are something one fantasizes or likes ;). doesn't help in the least, no matter how un-neurotic the other promises to be :).
Of course, the exception would be if she were feeling you out for a possible threesome! ;->
really?
lol :)
I'm so sorry. I wish, for you, that your lady friend would realize that threesomes can be so much fun and not at all harmful to an existing relationship. If you're secure in your sexuality and secure in your relationship there shouldn't be a problem if both people in the couple want to explore this.
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