What To Do, What To Do....

There must be a certain type of guy that's destined to date really neurotic women.

In college, I'd go to parties dominated by wholesome looking all-American College Republican type girls. In the corner, there'd be a dark haired waif with circles under her eyes wearing gypsy garb and smoking French cigarettes. "She looks.....interesting," I'd say to the host/hostess, "can you introduce me?"

Since then, I've functioned as a sort of Ellis Island for the alienated among the female gender. Give me your tired, your poor, your medicated obsessive-compulsives yearning for sensitive male companionship.....

As much as I complain about my status as a psycho magnet, I seek it out. Remember in The Great Gatsby when Nick talks about how he's become a victim of veteran bores because they can sniff him out as a non-judgmental type of person? I don't know if it's phermones or facial/body language, but I send out the same vibe to maladjusted women.

And it's skewered my perception of normalcy. I was dicussing a recent paramour with a female co-worker of mine and I mentioned that she had recently switched therapists.

"She's in therapy?" asked my co-worker, incredulously wrinkling her nose.

"Of course. Isn't everyone?" I said by way of response.

Apparently, the answer is no. I have learned from my various sounding boards that bisexuality is not the female norm, that most women do not take pills to regulate their behavior and that hospitalizations for exhaustion are etremely uncommon. At least in the respectable world.

I was thinking about this last night during a phone conversation with Mar. She wants to give it another shot.

The last time we got back together, we lasted exactly three days. I reminded her of this. She responded by accusing me of focusing solely on the bad times and keeping her on a sort of probationary status. She insisted that she has grown up tremendously from a year ago and reminded me that she broke up with L because she still had feelings for me.

"Hold on," I interjected, "I never made any promises. All you did was complain about L. You opened an eHarmony account, for Christ's sake."

"I had some very good times with L. I told him about the eHarmony account. It was mostly done as a joke. I don't want to be just an occasional fuck for you, David. That's not who I am."

I suggested we talk next week, when I get back from Cali.

No, she's not just an occasional fuck. It would be easy if she were. As it is, it's more complicated. I still have feelings for her, and she still makes me laugh. But she has a gift for doing and saying the wrong thing that is absolutely mind-blowing. Some highlights:

1. When she met my friend Len, she kept asking him, in my presence, if she was hotter than my ex-wife. He demurred, and finally she said,

"Would you rather fuck me or his ex-wife if we were both in the same room?"

Bad move there.

2. We had been arguing, and as a peace-offering I invited her to brunch with a few of my buddies. My buddies and I started ribbing eachother, as is our wont, and Mar piped in with,

"I think David's gay. I'm just waiting for him to come out of the closet."

Again, if you're still angry, don't reach for my olive branch. All she did there was alienate my friends.

3. I think she enjoyed setting up little conflicts between me and some of her male friends. It's a fairly common game and quite a few women play it. Anyway, for my birthday she took me out to dinner. We were enjoying drinks afterwards when she went off to make a phone call. When she returned, she asked if it would be all right if she left me for a half-hour or so to hook up with her male friend Smug and some of his buddies and she and I could hook up maybe later in the evening?

"Mar," I said, "it's my birthday. You're supposed to have a romantic evening with your significant other on his birthday...."

"Oh, right, I forgot it was your birthday..."

"You forgot?"

"Well, Smug just asked me to come out with him. I told him I'd like to, but I'd have to check with you because it's your birthday and I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do..."

"You said that? Jesus."

She started crying hysterically at this point.

"I'm sorry, David, I'm an idiot! I'm a fucking idiot!"

The waitress sent someone over to ask if things were OK. I said they were, then I told Mar to go out with Smug and not to bother coming back to my apartment that night because I wasn't in the mood to see her.

4. At the first party I took her to, she asked my buddy Z.B. for his phone number. I didn't know about it at the time---Z.B. was embarrassed for me, and didn't tell me until after we had broken up. When I reminded her about it later, she insisted that she had not done it in a sexual/romantic way but in a networking-for-friends way.

"Seriously, David, I didn't see anything improper in it. That's how I expand my circle of friends."

"Well, Z.B. and I did...."

These are four examples, culled from among many.

Currently I'm seeing three women in rotation: Mar, Submissive Liz and Christy. Sometimes Suburban Melissa pops back into the picture. I don't feel like scuttling my options for a return to a relationship that didn't leave me feeling that great about myself to begin with. Even if I am still fond of her.

In other news, Christy has been on me about not spending enough time with her on the phone/IM. I like Christy, but she lives a ways away and I really, really hate to be nagged. And I'm starting to feel nagged. I'm getting together with her in a couple weeks. We'll see what happens.