Thoughts on Dealing with Women

I was sharing a cold one with Drinking Buddy the other night, and in the spirit of that honesty that washes over men after the third shot, he said,"You get laid a lot more than I do."I responded,"I get rejected a lot more than you do, too."We laughed and the bartender smiled and set two more shot glasses in front of us.

I started this blog primarily for a male audience---I wanted to write honestly about my life. However, my involvement with some of the women I've met through myspace pretty much shut down the possibility of using that venue for a blog. There's a lot to be said for anonymity. I realize that some of the things I write make me look like an asshole, but when you hold back it's always the writing that suffers. You, Gentle Reader, are privy to my joys, my sorrows, my triumphs and my failures. I am neither a saint nor a demon---I am simply a man.

I'm no Don Juan---I get shot down a lot. My phone calls are often unreturned. And I've been on my share of dates during which I've looked across the table and thought, "...she is not charmed by my blarney at all." But I strongly suspect that I do better than most single/divorced men my age. And I'd like to share my thoughts on how to deal with women.

We've all heard the tired cliche: treat 'em like shit and they'll respect you. In all cliches, there's a small kernel of truth---we like challenges. Neither men nor women respect members of the opposite sex who have no self-esteem and defer to us on all issues great and small. However, the guys who mouth this cliche are usually the ones we never see except in the company of men. Why is that?Because they don't really like women. They're heterosexual, but they don't enjoy the company of women. They have no female friends. Sex becomes purely conquest, a gauge to measure their superiority or inferiority in relation to other men. Ultimately, they derive their validation from the approval of their buddies. We've all known men like this.

So I would say, cultivate a slight air of mystery, but don't be a jerk. Don't wear your heart/feelings on your sleeve, but be considerate. Women appreciate consideration and little acts of kindness just like we do. It won't make you a wussy-boy to show a little bit of your sensitive side. On the other hand, belittling the waiter during your date does not make you look like an alpha-male. It makes you look like a jerk.

Relax. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. The ability to laugh at your flaws and your ridiculous moments shows confidence. Women find that sexy.

Smile.

Don't be pushy. Intimacy occurs on its own time. Pushiness reeks of desperation. And if you do meet with rejection, that doesn't mean she's a bitch. Just accept that you're not her type. And show a little humor and graciousness in dealing with rejection. That just might impress her, and it's always a good thing to have another friend on your side. You can probably learn more about women from your female friends than you can from the guys at the bar. And she just might have a friend that's your type.