Thoughts on Dealing with Men

OK, fans, here it is---my long awaited sequel to Thoughts on Dealing with Women.

David Mamet wrote once that men are the puppy dogs of the universe----we want to be liked. It's true. Keep that in mind before you begin.

On a first date, if you're doing all the talking, then the date is not going very well. I don't care how in the zone you think you are. Trust me on this one.

Avoid complaining. There are few things more repelling in a woman than bitterness. Neither looks nor intelligence can compensate for bitterness. I've been on many dates during which the girl would start in on what a bitch her co-workers were or her roommate was or what an asshole her ex is and I've watched her face contort in anger and it's not pleasant. I plan my exit strategy at that point.

And I hope that doesn't sound bitter in and of itself....

It's considered bad form to talk about the new shoes or jewelry you bought for your date. It's fishing for compliments. It's more impressive just to display them without the commentary. It's what makes the difference between Stylish Girl and Shopping Girl. Men love Stylish Girl. Shopping Girl tries too hard and it doesn't come off.

If he compliments you, simply say "thank you." It's impressive when a girl knows how to take a compliment.

Do not check your cell phone during the date.

Conversational integrity is a big plus. If he starts in on baseball, it's OK to say, "I never really got into baseball." He'll appreciate the honesty and switch topics. Better this than to feign interest and feel bored for the next twenty minutes.

If he's divorced, it's OK to ask what the issues were. He should understand this---if there's a deal breaker, i.e., he's a compulsive gambler or workaholic, better to find out early. However, it's not a good idea to dwell on it early in the dating process. After a few sentences, the conversation should discreetly be moved to another topic. If he's still bitter, he may not be ready to date.

And if you decide you're not interested in him, the classy thing is just to say something along the lines of, "...you seem like a nice guy, but I just don't see it happening." You shouldn't be expected to go into the details and if he's at all sophisticated, he won't ask for them.

One more thing: every guy I know hates to be nagged. The woman who masters the art of getting what she wants from men without haranguing them will find all doors open to her.

I hope this helps...