OK, I am NOT happy with Suburban Melissa, but I have to temper my displeasure. How much I have to temper it, I'm still taking stock. To her credit, the girl does not appear to be psychotic or a potential stalker but she is also an irresponsible mess of a human being.
Regular readers will remember that we originally had a date on Saturday night for dinner. She called me at around 6:00 to tell me that she was still stuck in Milwaukee taking care of family business. Her father has been ill recently, and since her divorce she has sharing custody of her three daughters so I realize her situation is a bit special. She asked if we could make it Sunday instead.
Well, come Sunday she emailed me that she had missed her train, was trying to catch it at the next stop, missed that one too, said she was coming in, then her mom called upset blah blah blah how about a week night?
Normally, I'd say to myself, Self, take a hint. Except that she asks ME out. I don't think I've asked her for a date in four months!
Suburban Melissa is a blond-haired, blue-eyed suburban divorce' with a wickedly flirtatious sense of humor and a house on the lake in a northern suburb. We met online this past fall and went on a few dates. We slept together on the first night, so there was mutual attraction---like all divorced suburban mothers, she hated the burbs and every nook and cranny of my neighborhood was soooo exciting and happening.
Whenever we made plans after that, however, she would cancel half of the time. Always apologetically, always suggesting another time. I know enough to give divorced mothers a pass, but it soon became apparent that the woman was a walking car-crash. Perhaps the most disorganized human being I have ever met. That's what happens when former art students marry bankers, but that's another story.
I eventually tired of the theatrics and stopped calling her. She contacted me and apologized for her situation, and we've gotten together a couple times since for dinner/drinks/sex. Always at her instigation. The last time we were together, we made wild mushroom risotto paired with a full-bodied sauvignon blanc and she told me that she always thinks of me when she masturbates in the shower, which struck me at the time as the nicest compliment I have ever received from a lass.
However, I value my leisure time. The weekend is over, it's back to work and your humble narrator sowed no oats, wild or otherwise. She has had family issues, but I'm wondering if I should cut her off. Comments/suggestions welcome.
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6 comments:
Hmm.. What kind of relationship do you want from her? -If- it's just the occassional get together with benefits ;) then I'd say shrug it off and realize that's probably how it's always going to be with her and next time just go ahead and make other plans with someone else. (then you will not be as disappointed with her and also not have missed out on any other adventures with any other lucky ladies :)
Hmm.. that sounds like a cold answer huh? Sorry I don't mean it to be. I've just had several girlfriends who are like that towards their guy friends, boyfriends and even their closest/best friends.
Their mindset is, different, I guess. They usually don't change and actually the conversation behind closed doors oftens sounds like "...oh well. I mean I feel truly horrible, but that's just how I am and how my life is."
jmho though :)
That was a very good, very sensible answer, K.S. Thanks!
you're welcome, like i said though, it's just a humble opinion. and i realize sensible isn't always right when it comes to affairs of the heart (or hormones :) for that matter)
Seems like most of these flings are exactly that - flings. There's no heart attached, no long-term prospect, so why put up with any drama whatsoever? A fling should be easy-going, non-committal and fun. If it's not, and it's also not love, why stress? Just keeping it real. Yo yo.
Point. Maybe I'll have a backup plan already in place whenever we go out. Then I can just switch to plan B.
Anyway, I emailed her: "Sounds like you got a lot going on. Instead of making plans now, just call or email me when things settle down a bit. Hope you're doing OK."
Oh. Wild mushroom risotto and sauv blanc. Yum. You wanna take ME on a date? :)
Serious answer: I think K.S. and Jenny are both touching on the point, which is that some people in our lives are there in only very specific contexts. It's possible that this woman is in your life as a fuckbuddy/fling/whatever you want to call it, and that's all she is intended to be to you, and, thereby, all you are intended to be to one another.
If you like her, as more than such, I think it's ok to talk to her about that, and either fish or cut bait. (Because, ultimately, what's the point of wasting your time/heart on someone if you are not on the same page?)
If you don't see it really going past the chilling/having sex relationship, then just forget the talk and enjoy her for what she is to you. And lubricate the realization with more sauvignon blanc. I'd recommend Nobilo for something that's decent and affordable (for me, a grad student with astoundingly snobbish taste in wine).
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